Caution: Creepy and dangerous cultural messages ahead

A friend from highschool (circa 1981 or so, say about grade 9) recently tracked me down on Facebook for the sole purpose of reminding me of a song that I despised when I was 14. "Hey!", he said, "Remember that song, 'Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk' by Dr. Hook? Wow, did you ever hate that song! It made you crazy back in highschool!" And then, just to reinforce my memory of how much I loathed it, he sent me the above You Tube link, an unfortunate reminder of the low cultural and production values videos could have when they first came on the scene.

This video is creepy beyond belief, and although it's meant (I think) to be an amusing and light-hearted take on sexuality, it sends some pretty disturbing cultural message about desire, sexuality and what it means to be masculine or feminine. Okay, so that was more than 25 years ago, what relevance does it have now?

I'm posting some of the comments left in the past few weeks regarding this video as well. Yes, a couple of people expressed disgust at the stalker mentality, but some pretty angry and misogynistic things get said as well. I left the posters online ids in because when people post publically, I believe they are accountable for things they say. Such as...

yahman03 (2 months ago) Yeah, this is back when they knew how to make a pair of jeans that flattered a woman's figure, and women dressed like women, not this "guy fit", "boyfriend" jeans crap, or this low-waisted hip-hugger sh** that makes a woman's waist "muffin top" over the top of a pair of low jeans that are about 2 sizes too small. Women need to get away from dressing like men or wearing clothes that make them look like pigs.

raredvdworldwide (9 months ago) This chick's butt is so hot, she makes women, dogs, midgets, child tourists, senile old men and even blind guys drool! Definitely a fun bit of early 80's silliness.

mzwere1 (4 days ago)
Yeah, I've heard rumors to that affect but have'nt seen any evidence locally. Just the same old ugly crappy jeans, flat hair and a generally slovenly attitude. I have'nt seen a decently dressed girl in years. Back in this video's time at school if girls weren't wearing tight jeans they usually wore nice dresses or skirts with high heels. They just seemed to take more care in their appearance back then.

Now, I recognize that comments on YouTube are not necessarily a good cultural or intellectual mirror, and that the feeling of anonymous authorship may make some who lurk in the shadows feel like they can make comments that they would never actually say out loud...but it's worth thinking about this: When women (and men) fit into dominant discourses of what it means to be feminine or masculine, they get kudos and admiration. When we challenge or repel those ideas of how to be a woman or a man, or redefine ideas of beauty, desire and sexuality...we are quick to fall out of favour and sometimes risk the threat of violence and hatred directed toward us.

I was reminded of this in some pretty toxic ways when I happened on a photographic study on different body forms of nude women. Someone made an admiring comment about the set of pictures of a very heavy woman, prompting this response (I'm not including the woman's picture, because I don't want to associate her with this kind of hatred and toxicity).

mAgNUS Buttfoorson on April 16th, 2007 2:02 pm
Jesus Leroy Christ dude what is wrong with you? You wanna know why people must be so mean? Because the human body was never supposed to get like that. Ever. She is a testament to the extreme level of sloth and stupidity achieved by homo sapien sapiens. Scratch that you’re the testament; she’s just some stupid fat bitch who should be shot and used to feed half of Africa for the next decade. That fucking sow and her cellulite cankles represent everything that is wrong in the universe and beyond. She’s the reason the cosmos sat down with God and hashed out the very notion of disease fueled slow deaths. See what she’s on up there? The wood? That was some guys house before she rolled in there.
If there is any justice in this world or the next this very woman will slip on her own oozing lard and fall out of a window straight onto you and anyone who shares your obviously tainted bloodline.

I would say this is just an isolated case of a hateful, ignorant freak. Except it's not. Most of the comments that followed (by a variety of different posters) were along the same line, some even making death threats directed to the woman and the fellow who said he admired her. Times haven't changed so very much since the Dr. Hook video came out. Foucault had it right...step outside the dominant ideas of acceptability when it comes to body and sexuality, you'll get some sharp discipline to get back in line and play nice with the hegemony.

Disciplining discourses of gender and desire in "first time" stories

"If you are a girl; it will not feel very good - if you are a boy; it will be over so fast you won't know for sure how it felt. " The above is an excerpt discussing how teenagers will feel after their first sexual experience, from an online teen sex advice column by Michael Hardcastle (source can be found here: http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa051500b.htm)



He goes on to state, "For boys, the "first time" is a sort of stepping stone to manhood, a sign that you are well on your way to being a real man. For girls, visions of the first time are often clouded with ideas of romance that are more based in dreams than in reality."


Unfortunately, this discourse of regret, trauma, and lack of desire are probably among the most common ways to describe first time sexual experiences of young women in the public sphere. Although undoubtedly some women's first time may, unfortunately, be negative and cause for regret, there exists a huge chasm between the way first time sexual experiences are discussed for (and by) men and women. In the second part of this advice, Hardcastle likens a male adolescent's first time as being a rite into manhood. Too bad for those poor, confused, distant from reality teenaged girls. Those dumb girls are in for a rude awakening, aren't they? *sigh*. Not only is Hardcastle certain that "it will not feel very good" emotionally for girls, but because the line between fantasy and reality is so dim for us gauzy, ethereal creatures we are really better off sticking to our romance novels.


Note to Hardcastle: Pleasure and desire are absent discourses in many "first time" stories told by young women, not because most women experience trauma or regret, but because it is a safe and acceptable sexualized gender story for girls to tell.


Fortunately, some groups are trying to change the stories that are okay for girls and women to tell about their sexual experiences. AVERT.com (AVERTing HIV & AIDS) has created an online space for youth to discuss their first experiences, or reasons why they decided to wait. Interestingly, some young women actually engaged with personal agency, made decisions about when to get sexually involved and with whom, and enjoyed it. In this story related by "Parisa", not only is she convinced that she was sure she wanted to go ahead with intercourse, she confirmed with her partner that he did as well.

"Soon enough we were completely naked... he looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me more than anything in the world. then he kissed my forehead and asked me if i really wanted to go through with it, he didn't want me to do anything i regretted. I said yes, wholeheartedly, without an ounce of doubt in my mind. Then i asked him if he was sure he wanted to go through with it as well. He kissed my on the lips softly and said he wanted me to be his first and last. He wasn't an idiot though, he was very careful and made sure he brought condoms... and i highly reccomend using condoms because fearing pregnancy is the worst feeling in the world. So anyways... he slipped on a condom and we started making out again... we had a hard time getting it in the first time so i got on top to make it easier. The first time it only went in about half way. It hurt so bad beause he bought "non lubricated condoms", so we gave up and went out bought different condoms and came back and did it again... this time it went in all the way and didn't hurt quite as much. He was soo worried about me the whole time though, he kept asking me if i was okay and telling me that he loves me... he also kept getting worried and asking me if i wanted to stop. But anyways... this site helped me make my decision and i don't regret anything. Just make sure you know you're giving it up to the right person...."

Even as adults, we often make wrong choices or have regrets about our sexual experiences. But oh, it's so lovely when it's fun, safe and our choices are made from an empowered place. Here's hoping for more of those kinds of stories.

For more first person stories from AVERT, see:http://www.avert.org/morefirsttime.htm